Hello guest.. If you are a guest to the forum, you may use the guest lounge at the top of the page prior to registering to ask questions, place comments, request an account to be activated, etc. Enjoy your stay.

Site Donations
If you wish to help out the forum, click below.
Latest topics
» the last person to post here wins
Fri Dec 26, 2014 10:20 am by fleamailman

» Happy Birthday Jyo
Wed Nov 16, 2011 12:35 pm by Johnywilko

» Try and guess who I am
Tue Jul 13, 2010 8:50 pm by Sima

» bitch
Tue Jul 13, 2010 8:47 pm by Sima

» Call Of Duty 5
Sun Jun 27, 2010 12:18 pm by Briane240

» new thing
Sun Jun 27, 2010 12:13 pm by Briane240

» Fleamailman
Sat Apr 17, 2010 4:46 pm by einsteinean

» I need help!
Mon Feb 01, 2010 6:25 pm by Marshazzle

» Would you rather?
Sun Jan 10, 2010 11:13 am by Sima

Navigation
 Portal
 Index
 Memberlist
 Profile
 FAQ
 Search
December 2017
MonTueWedThuFriSatSun
    123
45678910
11121314151617
18192021222324
25262728293031

Calendar Calendar

Myninjakiwi
Never played mynk? Why don't you give it a go? Click below.
Fox Network
Feel like watching some of the best shows? Fox is the answer.
Mozilla FireFox
Easy download for the best internet browser.
ImageShack
A great way to upload and edit your pictures.
YouTube
Great way to watch and upload your videos.
Apple
Includes free downloads and itunes!
Singing Box
A great way to download music by artist or song free!!
Hypercam 2
Start making videos today with a free hypercam download!
NOAA Weather
Includes national and local weather reports and more!!
Yiwu

Lie of the Moths: Sneak Peek

 :: Forum :: Stories :: Written Stories

View previous topic View next topic Go down

Lie of the Moths: Sneak Peek

Post by Jyo on Wed Mar 11, 2009 11:01 pm

Well, for now the rough draft of my first paragraph or my short story is complete. Although i have more than 2000 words so far, i am only going to post the first paragraph to see if i am going off the right track, or if you think it has good detail or whatnot. The last couple sentences or so need some work, I know XD. Please ignore grammar or tense errors for now. Here is the first paragraph:






By now silence has
filled all of the gaps within the household down to every last corner. Even an
occasional plane speeding over the household cannot penetrate the sound proof
structure of the building where the man slept on his futon. Many people would
expect the house to be in excellent condition based upon the man’s ostentatious
dressing, but the place was rather intolerable to even those below his class.
Beer bottles were noticeable throughout the room where the unconscious man
remained dormant on his sofa. The man had a beer bottle in one hand and a
cigarette in the other, casually dangling from his fingertips. He was laying
rather awkwardly in almost a fetal position. Despite his horrendous posture, he
looked rather peaceful, as if he were dreaming in a world where dreams are
unheard of. He could have most likely stayed in this position all day, if it
wasn’t for his boisterous alarm cam that hovered over him with his eyes gently
peeling open. The impervious yet translucent screen that floated above him in midst
air spoke to him in a monotone voice, “Hello Rick, it is eight in the morning.
Time to wake up.” Despite the vexatious sound of the alarm, the man remained in
the same position and gazed away from the couch. His eyes were fixed on the
white, cylinder centerpiece in the middle of the main hall that blocked his
view of the front door. He had stared at the luminous pillar to the point that
he could not even hear a scintilla of the alarm cam. The sound waves traveled
through one ear and swiftly dispersed out of the other, withdrawing their will
to enter the brain. He slightly tweaked his eyes to the left just enough to
return out of his illusive state. The gate to his brain had suddenly and
unexpectedly opened, and the irksome screech of the alarm cam flooded his
brain. The sudden burst of sound instinctively jolted the man from head to toe.
After a few seconds, he returned to his previous position, still gripping his
beer bottle and cigarette with both of his index and middle fingers. He then
slowly cocked his head upwards so that he was facing directly towards the alarm
cam, and finally found enough strength to raise his dangling arm to deactivate
the alarm cam.
avatar
Jyo
Devil's Hornet
Devil's Hornet

Posts : 450
Location : Drunk...how the hell am i supposed to know?
User Points : 369
My Mood :
Extra Ranks :


View user profile http://jyoforumns.forumotion.net

Back to top Go down

Re: Lie of the Moths: Sneak Peek

Post by Noble on Thu Mar 12, 2009 4:43 pm

Godly.
Insane.
Beautiful.

_________________
____~ZººZ~°l||l°~ZººZ~°l||l°~ZººZ~____
-·=»‡«=·--·=»‡«=·-ÑøØß-·=»‡«=·--·=»‡«=·-
____~ZººZ~°l||l°~ZººZ~°l||l°~ZººZ~____
- опановувати - ÑøØß -

I love you, Guest.



Click on it !

Noble
Nuke Commander
Nuke Commander

Posts : 1244
Age : 106
Location : Dubba ju tee eff. Arr ju tri'nig to stak meh ?
User Points : 1409
My Mood :
Extra Ranks :


View user profile

Back to top Go down

Re: Lie of the Moths: Sneak Peek

Post by Natz on Thu Mar 12, 2009 4:44 pm

Noob wrote:Godly.
Insane.
Beautiful.

100% agreed

_________________



avatar
Natz
Beserk Orange
Beserk Orange

Posts : 525
Location : ( . )( . )
User Points : 433
My Mood :
Extra Ranks :


View user profile

Back to top Go down

Re: Lie of the Moths: Sneak Peek

Post by Pikmin on Thu Mar 12, 2009 5:07 pm

Nazar wrote:
Noob wrote:Godly.
Insane.
Beautiful.

100% agreed
avatar
Pikmin
Scout
Scout

Posts : 186
Location : hear breathing?
User Points : 56
My Mood :

View user profile

Back to top Go down

Re: Lie of the Moths: Sneak Peek

Post by Radar30 on Thu Mar 12, 2009 5:13 pm

nice opening there jyo.. I want the rest now please, thanks

Radar30
Immaculate Penguin
Immaculate Penguin

Posts : 269
Age : 26
Location : Under the radar...
User Points : 179
My Mood :
Extra Ranks :


View user profile

Back to top Go down

Re: Lie of the Moths: Sneak Peek

Post by Main on Thu Mar 12, 2009 6:41 pm

Ahh, so this is what you were talking about. I still think you should include the billigerent insect part though.
avatar
Main
Tack Trooper
Tack Trooper

Posts : 128
Age : 23
Location : Chicago
User Points : 73
My Mood :

View user profile

Back to top Go down

Re: Lie of the Moths: Sneak Peek

Post by Jyo on Thu Mar 12, 2009 6:49 pm

haha, what? this is only a little bit of it btw
avatar
Jyo
Devil's Hornet
Devil's Hornet

Posts : 450
Location : Drunk...how the hell am i supposed to know?
User Points : 369
My Mood :
Extra Ranks :


View user profile http://jyoforumns.forumotion.net

Back to top Go down

Re: Lie of the Moths: Sneak Peek

Post by Sponsored content


Sponsored content


Back to top Go down

View previous topic View next topic Back to top

- Similar topics

 :: Forum :: Stories :: Written Stories

 
Permissions in this forum:
You cannot reply to topics in this forum